Playland of Horror

With all of the snow and cold, Sam has spent a lot of time stuck inside. He was really climbing the walls on Tuesday, so on Wednesday I decided to take him to McDonald's playland. I figured it is free and he could run around to his heart's content.

When we first arrived, Sam spent quite a bit of time in a small room designed for toddlers. It was right off the beginning of the elaborate tube tunnels that climbed to about 15 feet in the air. When Sam started getting bored, I kicked off my shoes and led him into the tunnels.

We climbed up into one twist and immediately found an opening for a slide. We went down together, hair standing on end. Another boy's father (let's call him Boy 1's Dad) saw me come down and laughed.

It was all so innocent and fun, I decided to go in with him to go down the tall slide. I don't know at what point I remembered that I am painfully claustrophobic. I think it was when each turn in the tubes led to a dead end. I started panicking. I was sweating and hardly able to breathe. Anyone who has had a panic attack or that horrible, closed-in feeling knows what I'm talking about. I had a brief vision of an employee taking the tunnels apart to pull me out when I found us at an end. We had totally missed the slide, but came out where we had to contort ourselves down a caged-in ladder. Again, Boy 1's Dad saw me and laughed.

A few minutes later, Sam was playing in the toddler room with two boys (Boy 1 and Boy 2). The boys were about 4 years old. After a few minutes, the older boys decided to go up into the tunnels. Sam followed them. I watched him go apprehensively. I wanted to stop him, but I try to let him have his own little experiences, believing it is good for him (and I hadn't been much help when I went with him).

For a few minutes, all I could hear was the boys climbing around above my head. Then there was some commotion at the top of the tall slide, which was a very tight spiral. Boy 1 came down, followed by Boy 2. I waited a minute, and then asked the boys, "Um...is the baby still up there?'' That, along with the wail that came from the top of the slide, got Boy 1 and Boy 2's parents' attention. I took off my shoes, planning to go in. Boy 1's Dad, familiar with my previous luck, offered to go in to get Sam.

He took off his shoes and went in. Boy 1 and Boy 2, eager to be heroes, yelled, "Let's save the baby!" and went in after him. By this time, Sam was yelling for me without stopping and I was yelling words of encouragement to him. It seemed like forever, and then I heard Boy 1's Dad saying, "Sam! Come on, Sam! Let's go see mom!"

There was a scuffle, and then Boy 1 came down in a sitting position. Boy 2 followed, head first, and they collided in a giggling pile of arms and legs. I could hear Boy 1's Dad trying to get Sam down the slide. He was obviously trying to go slowly down the slide, pointlessly trying to hold the sides of the slide, while Sam yelled and fought him. Then Sam appeared, feet first, still looking up the tunnel. Boy 1's Dad lost his grip and slid down on top of all of them.

Boy 1's Dad was contorting himself, trying to hold himself up so he wasn't laying on Sam, while Sam, unaware he was so close to freedom, was panicking and trying to climb back up the slide. I had to practically lay on top of Boy 1's Dad while I wrenched Sam out of the slide by one arm.

Sam was inconsolable. He wandered around the room, yelling at tables, crying out the windows, obviously traumatized by his feeling of captivity. I eventually wrestled his shoes and coat on him and got the heck out of there.

What is it they say about good intentions? I wonder if that road is a spiral slide.